03.20.12

Will the real Mitt Romney please stand up?

Posted in Republican party at 9:38 pm by angela

This takeoff on Slim Shady is pure genius.

09.24.10

Contract on America 2.0: In their own words

Posted in Accountability, Contract on America 2.0, Republican party at 1:18 pm by angela

Jon Stewart blows away GOP’s Pledge to America!

Awesome research by the Daily Show staff in exposing just how the GOP’s “new” Pledge to America is nothing but retreads from years past.  Excellent research digging up a speech from Boehner in 1998 where he said the exact same words he said yesterday.

By BruinKid of DailyKos

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OH (9/23/2010): … a smaller …

BOEHNER (3/3/1998): … a smaller …

BOEHNER (9/23/2010): … less costly …

BOEHNER (3/3/1998): … less costly …

BOEHNER (9/23/2010): … and more accountable …

BOEHNER (3/3/1998): … and more accountable …

BOEHNER (9/23/2010 AND 3/3/1998): … government in our nation’s capitol.

….

So two years ago America broke up with you, because you had badly mistreated her. … And you come back rapping on our door, hat in hand, and you say, “Baby, I know you love me.  But if we get back together, I pledge to you, I promise you, I will still try to f*ck your sister every chance I get.

Update: Oh, almost forgot.  Since school’s started up again for us, I won’t be able to post these diaries at this time anymore; my sleep schedule’s gonna change quite a bit.  Over the summer, I tried to get these posted almost as soon as the videos were put up online by Comedy Central.  I can’t do that anymore, and I’ll be on campus during the daytime, so what would you guys prefer I do?  I’ve added a poll to see what time suits the community the best, where you’d see the diary before it disappears.  (And yes, these diaries take up enough time and effort to get everything correct, that I don’t want to do it, only to have only 2 or 3 people notice it before it falls away.)

A year and a half ago, the Republican Party was reeling, still picking shrapnel out from a can of whoop-ass that had been opened up on them in the 2008 elections.  It was time for some self-reflection.

REP. MIKE PENCE, R-IN (4/30/2009): There’s no question it’s been a challenging time for the GOP.

REP. ZACH WAMP, R-TN (3/25/2009): It’s time for new faces, new leadership, to lead our party.

REP. MIKE PENCE, R-IN (4/30/2009): … we’re bringing new ideas …

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OH (11/23/2008): You’ll see a lot of effort on our part to be the party of new ideas.

New ideas, everything is on the table.  Uh, spitballing here, how about something like this?  We got a black guy too!  You know, just spitballing here.

So the search for new ideas began in Northern Virginia, in a well-respected think tank/pizza place called Pie-Tanza‘s.  Of course, Pie for pizza pie, and Tanza for owner Tony Tanza.

But that was just the start.  The Republicans held town hall meetings.  They spoke to their constituents.  They took donors to Hollywood lesbian bondage clubs.  They even started their own website.

REP. JOE BARTON, R-TX (8/19/2010): AmericaSpeakingOut.com, that’s a website that the Republicans are using in the House of Representatives to try to get your ideas.

But seriously, they had nothing.  They had nothing.  They were completely out of ideas.  Well now, it’s nearly two years later, crucial midterm elections around the corner, and House Republicans poised with a real chance to win huge.  So they’re ready to unveil the fruits of their labor.  I give you, the 2010 Republican Pledge to Pie-Tanza… I mean, America.  Enjoy.

9/23/2010:

REP. MARSHA BLACKBURN, R-TN: We pledge to honor our families, traditional marriage, and life.

REP. BILL CASSIDY, R-LA: … real tort reform …

REP. SHELLEY MOORE CAPITO, R-WV: … don’t spend more than you take in …

REP. JEB HENSARLING, R-TX: … stop out of control spending …

REP. MAC THORNBERRY, R-TX: Support our troops, fight the terrorists, stand by our friends, and protect our citizens.

Whoa!  Who are these fresh faced young guns and their bold new ideas… wait a minute!  That’s the same shit we heard before!  I think your fresh new ideas… if I’m not mistaken, your fresh new ideas sound slightly like, I’m sorry, did I say slightly?  Exactly like your old ideas.

REP. PETER ROSKAM, R-IL (9/23/2010): … rein in the Washington, D.C., red tape …

REP. DENNIS HASTERT, R-IL (1/3/2001): … cut Washington red tape …

REP. JEB HENSARLING, R-TX (9/23/2010): … act immediately to reduce spending …

REP. NEWT GINGRICH, R-GA (6/5/1998): … have real reforms to reduce spending …

REP. JASON CHAFFETZ, R-UT (9/23/2010): … change the way we do business in Washington …

REP. JIM NUSSLE, R-IA (11/19/1994): … change business as usual in Washington …

REP. PETER ROSKAM, R-IL (9/23/2010): … make the tax cuts permanent …

REP. DICK ARMEY, R-TX (9/15/2002): … make the existing tax cuts permanent …

REP. BILL CASSIDY, R-LA (9/23/2010): … health savings accounts that puts the patient firmly in control …

REP. DENNIS HASTERT, R-IL (8/30/2004): … health savings accounts, which will give families more control …

REP. JEB HENSARLING, R-TX (9/23/2010): … reduce the size of our government …

REP. NEWT GINGRICH, R-GA (9/18/1998): … reducing the size of government …

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OH (9/23/2010): … a smaller …

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OH (3/3/1998): … a smaller …

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OH (9/23/2010): … less costly …

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OH (3/3/1998): … less costly …

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OH (9/23/2010): … and more accountable …

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OH (3/3/1998): … and more accountable …

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OH (9/23/2010 AND 3/3/1998): … government in our nation’s capitol.

(wild audience applause)

(Jon making motorboating sound)

Wow!  I don’t even know what to say!  This thing’s not even a sequel, it’s like a shot-by-shot remake!  I thought the Pledge was you were humbled, and you were gonna come back with fresh new ideas.  Wasn’t that the Pledge?

REP. JOHN BOEHNER, R-OH (9/23/2010): On the point we make in this preamble to our pledge, is that we are not going to be any different than what we’ve been.

I believe that is a promise you can keep.  So two years ago, just to get this straight, two years ago America broke up with you, because you had badly mistreated her.  And so you disappear, do some soul-searching, get your head together, and you come back rapping on our door, hat in hand, and you say, “Baby, I know you love me.  But if we get back together, I pledge to you, I promise you, I will still try to fuck your sister every chance I get.  It’s who I am, baby!  It’s who I am!  Now, make up your mind, because I’m not going to ask you twice!

You may also want to see Jon Stewart pick apart Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s dickishness, as well his excellent interview with King Abdullah II of Jordan (extended version here) on the prospects of Middle East peace.

And Stephen concluded his work as a migrant farmer to hilarious extremes, as well as hitting back at Fox & Friends for criticizing him for testifying before Congress today on behalf of the migrant farm workers.

07.26.10

Shocking video shows Breitbart’s true colors

Posted in Accountability, Bad boys, Blogging, MoveOn.org, neocon crackpots, Propaganda, racism, Republican party at 10:56 pm by angela

Or does it?

After last week’s propaganda debacle, MoveOn.org has released an amateurishly-edited video of Andrew Breitbart talking about his allegiance to al-Qaeda, proving that with video editing anything can be proven.

Breitbart and embattled RNC Chairman Michael Steele will be appearing side by side at an upcoming Republican event, just in case you’ve forgotten who works for whom.

05.27.10

American REALLY speaking out

Posted in Propaganda, Republican party at 12:37 pm by angela

Republicans, teapartiers, right wingers in general have this bizarre idea that everyone agrees with them except a few left-wing extremists, despite all polling and electoral data to the contrary. They feel that all they have to do is tweak their message and the hordes that didn’t really understand it or had never heard it will suddenly come home.

The last rebranding effort of the Republican party was supposed to be a road trip around the country but turned into a single stop at a pizza place inside the Beltway. Now they’ve come up with a new idea that involves the intertubez.

They’ve taken $100K+ in taxpayer dollars and started a website for real Americans to contribute their ideas, America Speaking Out. Here’s Michele Bachmann to tell you all about it. Sorry about the width of the video, Michele Bachman needs to fill your screen.

Things are not turning out as planned. It seems that progressives and trolls, being much more web-savvy than the right wing types they were trying to attract, have basically taken over the website, or what is left of it.

There’s even a Democratic response site.

If you want to go there, even if it is still up you will get lots of overload and server error pages.

I started a profile. They give you 100 points for filling out a complete profile, which includes an email address (which must be verified) and a phone number (which you can make up). Change the email address to keep from getting Republican spam.

I never managed to post. I think the site does not work quite right in Firefox, and is optimized for IE, since I guess they bought a package deal from Microsoft. The site, if it still exists, seriously sucks functionally.

They’re attempting to filter and moderate to bring the site under control, in other words, censorship. I wonder how they are going to be able to reconcile the level of censorship necessary to bring the message under control with the fact that taking tax dollars means they aren’t supposed to be using the site for partisan politics?

But anyway, since it’s not likely the site will be up long, here are some choice tidbits:

The DARE program taught me all about the coolest drugs. And told me everyone but me was doing them. Keep it around.

I think we should bring back outing people who have had affairs. Make them wear scarlet letters again and show their sinful natures so that we can protect our CHILDREN from these sinners.

Women should be forced to have all kids they could. We are wasting life allowing them to menstruate every month. It is the same as an abortion!!!!!

Abolition of women’s rights would surely improve families strenght. Any father should be able to sell his daughter to the future husbands, as it is stated in the Bible. We should put Jesus back on our lives!

Without blasphemy laws freedom cannot exist because rights are given by god and recorded through revelation.

______ _______ | || | ====E[(( ))]3====== | ,| |, | | /( )( )\ | | / | |

Make your site work properly with Chrome by supporting open web standards. Your site looks to me like you’re using tools from Microsoft. Microsoft thinks they should dictate web standards rather than follow them. Consider HTML5. Don’t be a Microsoft Developer Tool.

You should kick all of those libertarian-leaning “intellectuals” out of the Republican party. Sure they like assault weapons, but that’s just so they can sneak in crazy ideas like legalizing marijuana and letting gays “marry” and replacing American economics with Australian economics. I don’t want to have our currency handed over to the Australians, and if they try it, it’ll be another civil war!!!11!!

I should have the freedom to urinate on fire hydrants. If dogs can do it, I should too. Let’s end this discrimination.

I am hung like a cashew and love diapers. What should I do?

Waste – how about stop wasting my time with your propaganda? How about stop wasting my $$ on bridges to nowhere — How about stop wasting my money on helping your rich buddies and big business while half the country is starving and cant find work??!!

Please cut all the bad programming from the television; my doggy is wasting his life away on the sofa.

Quit wasting time voting no on every bill submitted. You are getting paid to do a job and voting no is hardly working.

I have an open running sore that wants to run for president. Who will vote for my oozing, pus-fllled gash? It never spends any money.

Change the word “Spending” to “Splending” because it sounds like “Splendid”. Then nobody will mind anymore.

Americans buy too much stuff. I think we should make buying stuff illegal, and you have to grow/hunt all your own food and make all your own clothes from scratch, and then once everyone has learned his/her lesson then we could open the stores agian – and this time people would APPRECIATE THEM!!

So my neighbors on one side are a black family. I’m pretty sure they only come out at night like 1:00 am to 4:00 a.m., perhaps they’re vampires. My neighbors on the other side are hispanic. There are billion of them. They like to barbeque (I mean like REALLY like to barbeque) and listen to some groovy mexican (?) music. I don’t think they speak very much english. But I do like they’re music. My neighbor across the street is a white guy. He has a confederate flag sticker covering the entire back of his truck and a gun rack. I’m pretty sure he’s an alcoholic and that he beats his kid. God Bless the Midwest. (this is all true, btw)

Our dollar bills should be covered in honey so that they get stuck in our pockets instead of spent. And everyone loves honey!

The government should print a whole bunch more money. True, this will inevitably cause the currency that’s printed to inflate rapidly, which is why they should print Canadian dollars instead.

Replace “E Pluribus Unum” (which is ferner-speak) with GITTER DONE!!! The 3 examination points even make it 13 charecters to, just like the original number of discipals… or sales on the Mayflower… or whatever it was. It was danged American – I know that.

Tax the GOP

The quarter should be made from formed meat product. Then everyone would be sure to refrigerate their money.

Abolish house insurance and fold the cost into property taxes. Chances are if your house gets hit by a hurricane you’re more likely to get reimbursed by FEMA. We might as well be sending the Fed a check and help pay down the national debt.

Congress should pass an admendment that requires the federal government to include 33% of american products to be included in any money given to foriegn countries. This would be a direct flow of cash back into our economy and may aid our maufacturing sector.

Take away Mark Sanford’s passport. Or member.

A heavy progressive or graduated income tax.

Raise taxes to 70% for the top tax bracket

Replace all politician’s retirement plans with social security. I’m sure the problem will be solved in no time.

Bristol Palin….I’d hit it.

Why don’t we just pack up the Treasury Department and the Fed and send them to Iraq and Afghanistan? That’s where all out tax dollars are going anyway. Maybe they can keep track better over there.

piggy banks. twins. i’m watching.

First of all, take money from the banks, wall street, and all other corporations who have taken money from the government. Get rid of the pointless spending. Get rid of ALL current Congressmen/women incumbents, Democrat AND Republican. Unless they agree with the slowing of the spending.

Balance in All Things

All government workers should be paid MINIMUM WAGE, including Senators, Congressmen, and military employees/troops. Come see how the rest of us live, welfare queens.

Get our troops out of Iraq. Put Cheney in prison. Oh that’s two ideas!

Fire all government employees and hire illegal aliens instead

Take a checkerboard, and put one penny on the first square. The next day, put 2 pennies on the next square. Next day, 4 pennies on the next square, and so on, doubling the pennies each day. After 64 days, take all those pennies and put them in the bank, you dummy!

Use moon mapping software to map the moon and community building software for community building.

The federal government needs to cut costs. The private sector cuts costs by firing those expensive American workers and outsourcing to cheaper foreign workers. The Federal government should outsource all the jobs to save money.

The Pentagon is surrounded by a giant, surface-level parking lot, which sitting in the middle of some of the most expensive real estate on the East cost. Sell the parking lot for high-density development, and use some of the proceeds build a multi-level garage for Pentagon employees to park in.

Stop wasting time during legislative sessions passing resolutions that can be handled on a State level. While it is nice to recognize anniversaries and achievements, it is best to use our time wisely when our nation needs quality of action, not quantity.

Pull out of Iraq and Afghanistan- nothing could be more wasteful than spending trillions of dollars and thousands of servicemen’s lives on lost causes.

Stop sending Foreign Aid. It is not the job of our government to be a Charity. That is why we have charities! Abolish the Foreign Aid and make ALL charitable giving 100% deductible.

Stop outsourcing our military jobs to private companies. We have wonderful military personnel who can do these jobs, do them well, and save us money.

Quit wasting time voting no on every bill submitted. You are getting paid to do a job and voting no is hardly working.

Please cut all the bad programming from the television; my doggy is wasting his life away on the sofa.

Waste – how about stop wasting my time with your propaganda? How about stop wasting my $$ on bridges to nowhere — How about stop wasting my money on helping your rich buddies and big business while half the country is starving and cant find work??!!

“Abolish the Air Force. It’s not in the Constitution.””

“The United States military must be an inexorable adamantine wave of Liberty, sweeping over the world. Rolling, without pause, over the villages of any savages foolish enough to embrace our righteous social order. It must rise like a fist over the heads of the Arab nationalists, the communists, limp-wristed social democrats, and the Islamists, driving them into the ground where they will remain buried… oh hold on, I’m coming… “

Build Iron Man suit. Privatize peace. Make-out with Gwyneth Paltrow.

One problem with terrorism is that we don’t know who the terrorists are. An idea I just developed involves an algorithm which can identify potential terrorists with 93% efficiency. The algorithm is proprietary but I’d be willing to share it with certain parties if the price is right (DoD, are you li$tening?), but it’s based on the amount of patterned cotton fabric on your head, the amount of melanin in your skin, the ratio of taxi drivers to camel drivers in your family, and other relevant information. The 7% inefficiency is a remnant from early testing where a number of babies with uniquely spelled names were mistakenly flagged. Also, we should impose legislation which abolishes uniquely spelled names.

We should pass a law that makes it Illegal to use public money to setup a website that is not good for anything except gathering internet trolls.

As a matter of ethics, we should ban sarah palin from ever being allowed to run for any public office, EVER! She’s a tax evader, a liar, a pillar of misinformation, a horrible mother, and a media grabbing, greedy, religious zealot, with ties to extremist groups such as Prayer Warriors. Her input into any political issue is only based on her self-serving agenda. Baggers, birthers and all other fanatics need to stop paying her to flap her ugly jaws. Then, maybe she’d go home to her poor feral children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let’s create a massive energy plant run by MILLIONS of hamsters running on their little hamster wheels. Everyone knows it’ll work, scr3w PETA.

Cheer up Republicans. We’re not laughing WITH you. We’re laughing AT you.